October 11, 2010 09.30 Euston- Carlisle (Glasgow)
Should have realised that with the London tube system in spasm due to at least one defective train, when I arrived on board with 2 minutes to spare, (I so nearly surrendered at Highbury when I saw the whole ticket hall crammed with people) I shouldn’t have been surprised that the reservation notification system was not working and a woman with her young son had occupied my seat (The only reason I am catching the train at this ungodly hour is so I could reserve a table seat with socket) I am about to let her move to find seats elsewhere when I see a window seat opposite is vacant, so I relent and when the train sets off, slide in. I ask the guard as he passes if he can tell me whether this seat is reserved from London. He gives me the usual line that if it’s empty the person must not have turned up. I say Ive been told that before at which point the woman opposite says that it was hers but she moved to sit adjacent her colleague so (good of her to join in)-
I can relax.
Fuck me. How long till the Olympics?
At least we’re past the New Moon. Arent we?
09.48
Lovely day.
11.10 People around me started preparing for arrival at Warrington Bank Quay, our ‘first station stop’.
We pause for a while on the outskirts of a town, then people look around in confusion when we pull in to the station and it turns out to be Crewe.
After a pause, the manager comes on the tannoy and apologises for our lateness. We are being asked to hold at the platform because of “an on-going incident in the Wigan area”. Five minutes later, as I type this, we pull out and get underway with no further comment. We are running at least 20 minutes late, since it will take that long to reach WBQ which we were due to reach at 11 20-something.
11.30 Manager comes on the line. The train is terminating at Warrington Bank Quay. We are advised to ask there about ongoing travel.
At some point somebody announces that telephone train information says that there has been a fatality on the line.
We pull into the bleak jetty of WBQ and every one piles out. We are instructed to stay on the platform and await instructions. There is not a great deal of room. This is repeated several times then the message changes to “Passengers waiting on Platform 3 are advise to cross to platform 4 where the train approaching will continue to Edinburgh. Passengers wishing to go to Glasgow should change at Carlisle.”
The train pulls in and as the door in the front carriage opens, we form up to be greeted by the ‘Manager’ who looks bemused then declares that the train is only going as far as Wigan. We tell him we have been informed otherwise. He shrugs and we file aboard. It is a First Class coach but only a very rash member of Virgin staff will be foolish enough to point this out. More and more people pile on. Passengers and luggage crowd the aisles. A Health and Safety nightmare!
It doesn’t take long to travel up the line to the outskirts of Wigan where we pause and, inevitably, are then told the train will terminate. Everyone gathers themselves and the minutes pass as we stand reflecting uncharitably as to why those with suicidal tendencies are unable to choose a branch line on which to throw themselves.
At Wigan, the former Edinburgh train disgorges two trains-worth of ‘customers’ and we file down the stairs where a line of coaches blocks the station exit. Several of us have decided to pay for a taxi to avoid the chaos of the transfer to coaches and finally slip between two charabancs and head out on the road to Preston.
13.05 At Preston the startlingly overweight but generous CEO in the front seat says he will pay for the taxi and refuses any contribution. A genuinely nice man. There are several Glasgow and Edinburgh trains announced. I am informed by a member of staff that the blockage has now ended but there may be a staffing problem as Preston is the place where crews change shifts and the delayed services may leave trains without crews. Estimated arrivals of delayed trains slip back and back on the screens. Eventually a Glasgow train pulls into a crowded platform. It’s a short Voyager service. People pile on, hanging out the doors till the stuffed train leaves. There is a second Glasgow train due in on the opposite platform but it pulls in, already crowded. Those who could find a place or who passed on the earlier Glasgow train, hoping it would absorb the crush, pile on. The ‘lobbies’ are all packed, let alone the invisible carriage interiors. It eventually slides off with its cargo of human cattle.
Those of us only aiming for stations up to Carlisle, have waited for the third Scottish service, an Edinburgh-bound train that pulls in around 14.05. There’s still a fair few folk waiting. It’s another short 'Voyager.' We have aligned with the First Class carriage and nip on while others queue politely for the Second class door adjacent. A staff member has followed us and told us in no uncertain terms that the train has not been 'de-classified', or at least, that will be up to the ‘On-board Manager.’ I dart through ahead of the polite queue and, with a member of HM Customs and Excise, grab two seats opposite a pert, brisk lady barrister surrounded by her briefs. The journey to Carlisle is uneventful. Having just missed a Dumfries train, I have about fifty minutes to wait and eventually arrive at my destination 'station stop' three hours behind schedule.
RETURN
Saturday 23/10/10 Delays from the north have been cleared by the time I arrive in DMF for 11.55 to Carlisle. Board the 12.49 with a £15 upgrade to First Class, bought in advance at the Ticket Office. Grey tea and a draft around my ankles. Crow-voiced female train manager blares into tannoy, turned up too loud and too close to the mike. Who trains them? She keeps on fluffing her announcements, leaving us hanging in suspense. She is replaced at Preston by a professional “It’s being so cheerful that keeps me going” Lancastrian: “I hate working on Saturdays”.
14.50 We are invited to ‘purchase any further refreshments.’ Clearly the pack of crisps, grey tea and a piece of shortbread is the limit of the First Class Hospitality today.
Otherwise an unremarkable trip. I look around and think why can’t all citizens travel in this degree of hardly opulent comfort? It certainly is a relief to have the space and the light. Broadband should be free to all.
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